Thursday, September 8, 2011

Never Let a Man go Shopping on His Own

I knew this mantra was especially true when it came to Lawrence, the ultimate impulse shopper - why didn't I listen to myself?? Why didn't I heed that voice that said "We don't need a Unimog". We're NOT buying  UNIMOG". I  actually uttered these exact word several times. Why the hell didn't I listen to myself??? Why did I let him go to Italy whilst I swanned off to Broome, thinking I was being CLEVER!!!

As you may have gathered I have now seen IT!!  We are in Bentham in Yorkshire, and I am in a state of shock. It's now the day after the day of seeing IT. I'm in the pub having a pint, L is playing with his new toy.

To recap, yesterday went something like this...

Lawrence: Well here it is - what do you think??
Kate: You've got to be kidding me.
Lawrence: No, this is it.
Kate: You must be FUCKING joking... (please excuse the language, but I'd like my friends to get the real picture)
Lawrence: What's wrong?
Kate: You don't seriously expect me to travel around Europe in that?
L: Yes
Kate: - she is without speech at this moment.
L: What's wrong?
Kate: Are you mad? Are you fucking insane?
L: (looking hurt and perplexed) It'll be great...
Kate: I'm NOT driving that thing!
L: You'll be fine.
Kate: Ha!
L: You'll be fine.
Kate: I need gin and valium.
Kate went back to hotel and took valium.

By now I'm completely speechless, it's not often I am at a loss for words, but that was it.  I imagine many of you are pissing yourself laughing now, saying - what did you expect?. Well, I was expecting an elephant, what we have is a wooly Mammoth. This thing is a monster, truly a monster. I cannot imagine driving it ANYWHERE, even as  a passenger. Today I am refusing to go near it. Issue avoidance in a big way. It looks like a an amoured tank, it's the biggest Unimog in the yard, and believe me, there a  lot of them there. Some of then look almost normal.

My solution is to sell the scooter and buy Fiat Cinque Cento so I can just follow him around, and my sleep in the monster (if I can mange to climb up into it) and we can tour in the FIAT. Is there anyone out there who thinks this is a bad idea???

Also we need a new name as Van Jaune is completely inappropriate. FUCKING GREAT TANK is more suitable.

Summary: I'm am completely mad, and L is certifiably INSANE. Someone please get over her and rescue me and lock him up.

Update on the last 2 weeks to follow.

1 comment:

  1. Rolling on the floor, laughing fit to burst at your Unimog blog entries. If we have 18 months of this to look forward to I’ll cancel my TV licence, the papers, unplug the radio and arrange Mogblog evenings with my friends instead.

    And, what a turnaround from women complaining, ‘It’s not big enough’.

    Maggie McD


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